judging others

[Stacey Lynn Schlegl]

I was judged because I write romance books. I have had several mothers pull t heir children out of a group that I help head at school which they wear certain uniforms and do activities after school (I can't name the name of the group because the council had called me and said I couldn't put it anywhere on my resume/work because I write romance books) because I write romance and sometimes romatic scenes. I have been told that God will judge me at the gates, equivilated to a street walker and my daughter has been affected since she isn't invited to parties because of me. This is a religious school---is that religious behavior? Do they have a right to judge?

[Heather Froeschl]

Stacey,
I am SO sorry. That is disgusting behavior. I'll bet more than half of them READ romance novels! Unfortunately this type of thing happens a lot. I had a parent pull thier child from my uniform wearing group meeting club because I don't claim any ONE religion for myself. I am a student of many. The funny thing is that we were earning a patch on dealing with prejudice at the time! That lesson was well learned. My daughter was affected too, and to this day some four years later, still is. But at least she stands up for what she believes in, or doesn't believe in! Hang in there. You are doing what you love doing, right? That lesson is more important than any others.

[Liz Hillsman]

No, they do not have a right to judge you. How very unfortunate for you and your daughter, but what an incredible teaching moment for you. Your daughter will be well served by your decision to stand up for yourself.

[Stacey Lynn Schlegl]

Thank you Liz and Heather for your words of encouragement and wisdom. I was amazed when the council called me and told me that I couldn't put what I volunteered for on my bio or any link to my books. My question is what profession can list it as an accomplishment...just 'proper' jobs? I am trying to decide if I want to help lead this group this year or not. I love working with the girls, but the group keeps getting smaller and smaller because of the 'job' that I do with my writing. Is it fair to the girls to be punished for what I do away from the school? However, in their defense...I do write some spicy romance on occasion.

[Heather Froeschl]

I don't know about this being legal or not. I would go up a level in council, go to national, and see what the exact protocol is supposed to be. I can't recall anything about being told not to list my position in any case. Did they tell you this writing? Show you where it is in a rule book? It sounds to me like one person's opinion about your job, and that is NOT okay. That is discrimination. You shouldn't feel you have to choose; shouldn't feel you have to hide your job. That is not cool.

[Patti McQuillen]

I checked; it is not legal for them to forbid you to describe your volunteer work on a reume/bio/other description of services. You have every legal right to put what you want on your stuff. If you feel uncomfortable about it, list them as religious organization. If someone wants to know the specific name, tell them. You are not violating them in anyway. It is you that is being violated. Remember, you have rights and you are not trying to cause undue financial burdens for them. It sounds like it could wind up being the other way around.

Shame on them for boohooing you! They are the ones in the wrong and I would not volunter with them. Let them find someone they approve of, on their own time. They do not deserve you!

Send them a letter explaining that you disagree with their views, and will not continue to share your time. You acn explain it is not adventageous and wish them well for finding someone else. This will not make you sound bitter, like they sound, and it will be straight to the point. Disregard their ideas of predictions for you; God knows all - not the prejudiced!

[Kevin McArthur]

It sounds as though someone is telling you to move on. Personally I would never be so bold as to decide how God may judge a person.

What one chooses to write is determined by the market, and the "man in the mirror" (or woman as the case may be). As long as you can look at yourself in the mirror and be content, then no one can stop you from listing whatever you desire on your resume. If they choose to reject you on that basis, so be it.

This country was born in freedom in mind, and with certain reasonable guidelines of course, the freedom is yours as well as theirs.

[Lisa Logan]

I'm sorry that happened to you. Unfortunately, there are those who apply a religion's dictates to other people, but not themselves. "Judge not..." I write romance and at best, folks don't take you seriously as a writer. At worst, you're doomed to hellfire and brimstone. The hospital where I work has a gift shop in the lobby. Think they'll carry my book? Noooo. "Oh, we won't stock anything with s-e-x in it...those aren't the values we're trying to support." That's funny, the hospital has a maternity wing. Oh well.

A good friend of mine was told the same thing. Also, she attends church and her kids attend Christian school, and she was so ashamed of releasing her romance novel that she wouldn't tell people there and honestly wondered whether she was risking Hell. (Talk about suffering for your art!)

I was so intrigued that I asked her to guest blog for me about it here. Interesting to see a writer's fear extend so far beyond hitting the rejection pile or getting an unflattering review.

[Amy Hanek]

I too volunteered as a leader for a uniform wearing group after school. My co-leader was the goth-single-mom type. Most parents were just thrilled we had their kids an extra hour and a half every Monday. A few parents just didn't put their girls in our group. We always felt judged, just because of my friend's appearance. Inside she is a great mom and friend. Outside she looks like a teenager.

One year we weren't given an entire category of cookies the group had ordered and didn't realize it until we got home. After checking their warehouse, they could not find the cookies. We were told the troop had to pay for them. Here is the letter my friend wrote to the council (the X's cover people's names):

> hey XXXX. i got an email from amy this mornig, actually a forwarded email
> between her and XXXX saying that the warehouse is not over in cookies and
> that our troop will have to eat the 25 cases. which in my opinion is totally
> unacceptable. so even if we sell all the cookies we have and do our 4 cookie
> booths we wont even break even!? what are we selling for? amy and i are
> giving up our next two weekend with our families for nothing. i gotta say
> this leaves a bad taste in my mouth. i wont do that to my girls. it was a
> mistake. im not placing blame and i hate to stress you out. i called council
> this morning and someone imprtant is suppose to be calling me back. i tried
> to let amy handle alot because she puts on a great face, whereas im much
> more straight forward which may or may not be a turnoff in certain
> situations. that being said, i am desperately looking for a better
> resolution to this issue. please let me know if theres anything you can do
> before i start selling cookies on the black market at 8 dollars a box.

In the end we didn't have to pay a dime.

[Julie Ann Shapiro]

Stacey,
I think their behavior is ridiculous and very insulting. I can't believe people would act like this and hurt your daughter in this way. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Julie

[Stacey Lynn Schlegl]

Dear Julie,
Thanks for the reply. I have actually made lemons into lemonade as the old saying goes. I no longer serve as a leader to this group, but now my daughters and I spend the evenings walking as a family and playing games and more quality time. It didn't seem like a blessing then, but now I realized it was a blessing. We have downsized our schedules and that 'group' being one of them we have dropped. My daughter still does ti quan do and volleyball to stay active, but we spend more time as a family and that is the lemonade. :) Blessings to you

Stacey Lynn
www.SLSromance.com