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My Quick Editing Tip List
When I began to write fiction, I sponged up all I could about the craft as quickly others were willing to impart their knowledge. Since then, I’ve weeded through the do’s and the don’ts and picked up a few other tips that have helped to strengthen my prose. I’m no expert. For me, learning is a life-long adventure, and I look forward to adding your tips to my list!
Anyway, here's what I know so far (Some of these things are based on my publisher's guidelines):
Don't depend on Spell Check. Get out your dictionary and thesaurus and use them.
Nothing done to excess is good. We can't take all the "had," "that," and "ing" words out of our writing and expect it to make sense or flow well. Certain words should and can be avoided, but to arbitrarily cut all of the “no-no” words is just as bad as their over-use. The same goes for long stretches of narration or dialogue. If you over-do either of these, you’ll either exhaust your reader or put them to sleep.
Pace: Dialogue speeds the action, narration slows it. Tense scenes call for short/abrupt, snappy dialogue. After such a scene, give the reader a breather by slowing things down with some brief narration.
Passive: the subject of the sentence is acted upon by something else. “The bread was made by the baker.”
Active revision: “The baker made the bread.”
Past tense: when an action or occurrence happened in the past. “He went to the store three hours ago.”
“Rule” on using “had.” After reading up on the subject and talking to several informed sources (including English professors) I’ve concluded that, aside from the grammatical use of “had/has” in perfect past tense, my ear must judge how often to use “had” in a sentence before switching to an active past tense.
Example #1: "When Tom was young, he had overheard unsettling talk of the war. His father had served, but he had never admitted or denied killing another."
Granted, this is exaggerated, but technically there's nothing wrong with this sentence. All the events mentioned took place in the past. It is, however, cumbersome and all the "hads" make it redundant.
Revised Example #1: "When Tom was young, he overheard unsettling talk of the war. His father had served, but he never admitted or denied killing another."
So here's the unspoken “had” rule as I understand it:
1. If the sentence makes it clear that the event happened in the past without using the word “had,” remove it.
2. Leave “had” in if its removal changes the meaning of the sentence.
Example #2: She reached for the small clay bowl from the kitchen table containing a mix of local herbs and other untold ingredients she had crushed into a near-powder consistency.
In this sentence, “she had” indicates an action taken by the character.
Edited Example #2: She reached for the small clay bowl from the kitchen table containing a mix of local herbs and other untold ingredients crushed into a near-powder consistency.
To remove “she had” from the sentences makes it clear the herbs were crushed, but it doesn’t show who crushed them. Since the character isn’t involved in the action, the reader would have to assume the herbs and other untold ingredients were 1) previously crusted by someone, or 2) purchased in the crushed form.
Both examples #2s are technically correct. However, this sentence is from my work in progress and the woman is a healer and engages in voodoo. For the sake of the scene, it's critical for the reader to understand that she is the one who made the concoction. In this case, #1 is the better choice.
Still confused? Here are a few good grammar links:
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/grammar/tenses.html
http://www.englishpage.com/verbpage/pastperfect.html
“The” in front of a noun: Eliminate “the” when it precedes a noun that could stand alone. Example: “The beams of portable spotlights shone like beacons on the beach below.” Can be changed to: “Beams of portable spotlights shone like beacons on the beach below.”
Tags & Beats
Tags: Stick to “said” and always place the tag after the noun or pronoun.
To use anything other than “said” distracts the reader (“said” is invisible). Words such as growled, barked, scoffed tell the reader how the character spoke rather than show it through the dialogue and action.
Example #1: “What difference does it make that she’s gone?” John growled.
Example #2: “What difference does it make that she’s gone?” John said as he slammed the door.
Beats: Beats are a great alternative to tags. They show action and emotion. Here’s the same sentence using a beat instead of a tag.
Example: “What difference does it make that she’s gone?” John yanked open her closet door, grabbed her clothes, and threw them out the window.
The “it” word. If not used correctly, “it” can lose the reader’s focus. Be certain “it” refers back to a noun just previously mentioned. If another noun is used between “it” and the noun it refers to, you'll lose your reader.
Example: “The dog chased after a ball into the street. It was hit by a car.” What was hit? The dog or the ball?
A few words to avoid in narration: That, just, however, therefore, thus, thusly, very, really, suddenly, obviously (if it is obvious, don’t tell--show it).
Anything goes in dialogue: A character can say anything he or she wants including all the words we avoid in the narrative and clichés as long as the author establishes those words in the character’s speech as part of his characterization. The same goes for speech patterns and odd words.
Don’t state the obvious: Near-miss and mid-air collision. If it’s a “near-miss” it didn’t happen. And where else would airplanes in flight collide? Another thing that falls under this category is to not summarize the action. If the scene is written properly and effectively shows the action, don’t summarize what just happened in a subsequent narrative. Doing so talks down to the reader.
Repetition of words or phrases: Look for repeated words within the same sentence, paragraph or in close proximity to one another on a page. Use your thesaurus to find unique words that will add spark to your writing.
Ellipsis: Shows a pause. Three periods with a space after the word it follows and the word it precedes to show a pause or hesitation.
“I can’t remember what … I’ll have to think about it.”
Three periods with a space after the word it follows to show a pause or hesitation at the end of a sentence.
“I can’t remember what …”
Em Dashes: Shows an interruption or show emphasis. Construct the em dash by striking the hyphen key twice with no space between the hyphens and no space before or after the words the em dash separates.
To show interrupted speech:
“You can’t pin the murder on me. You have no—”
“I have your fingerprints.”
For emphasis: “You must attend the meeting on time—no exceptions.”
Advice from Browne & King’s, “Self-Editing for Fiction Writers.”
Show don't tell: How to catch yourself telling. (Page 16)
“...telling your readers about your characters’ emotions is not the best way to get your readers involved. Far better to show why your characters feel the way they do. Instead of saying, "Amanda took one look at the hotel room and recoiled in disgust." describe the room in such a way that the readers feel that disgust for themselves."
The “as” and “ing” construction:
Browne & King (Page 193): "One easy way to make your writing seem more sophisticated is to avoid two stylistic constructions that are common to hack writers, namely:
'Pulling off her gloves, she turned to face him.'
and
'As she pulled off her gloves, she turned to face him.’
Both the “as” construction and the “-ing” construction as used above are grammatically correct and express the action clearly and unambiguously. But notice that both of these constructions take a bit of action ("She pulled off her gloves") and tuck it away into a dependent clause (Pulling off her gloves...") tends to place some of your action at one removed from your reader, to make the actions seem incidental, unimportant. If you use these constructions often, you weaken your writing.
Another reason to avoid the “as” and “-ing” construction is that they can give rise to physical impossibilities." (i.e.: "Disappearing into my tent, I changed into fresh jeans." The ing construction forced simultaneity on two actions that can't be simultaneous."
Words ending in “ly” Replace “ly” verb with action verbs. Instead of: “He angrily punched the pillow.” which tells the reader how he punched it (but in my opinion not to what degree of anger), try: “He slammed a fist into the pillow.”
"Self-Editing..." (Page 196)
"Chances are, as you bang out your first draft, you use the first verbs that come to mind--verbs that are commonplace and comfortable, verbs you don't have to dig too deep to find. Set, for instance, as in:
"She set the cup and saucer on the kitchen table."
Then, since set doesn't really convey what you want, you find the extra nuance you need in an adjective, tack on an -ly to make an adverb, and hook it to the verb. ...when you use a weak verb and an adverb to do the work of one strong verb, you dilute your writing and rob it of its potential power."
***
I’m sure I’ll keep adding to this list, but it’s a start.
Marta ;)
Anyway, here's what I know so far (Some of these things are based on my publisher's guidelines):
Don't depend on Spell Check. Get out your dictionary and thesaurus and use them.
Nothing done to excess is good. We can't take all the "had," "that," and "ing" words out of our writing and expect it to make sense or flow well. Certain words should and can be avoided, but to arbitrarily cut all of the “no-no” words is just as bad as their over-use. The same goes for long stretches of narration or dialogue. If you over-do either of these, you’ll either exhaust your reader or put them to sleep.
Pace: Dialogue speeds the action, narration slows it. Tense scenes call for short/abrupt, snappy dialogue. After such a scene, give the reader a breather by slowing things down with some brief narration.
Passive: the subject of the sentence is acted upon by something else. “The bread was made by the baker.”
Active revision: “The baker made the bread.”
Past tense: when an action or occurrence happened in the past. “He went to the store three hours ago.”
“Rule” on using “had.” After reading up on the subject and talking to several informed sources (including English professors) I’ve concluded that, aside from the grammatical use of “had/has” in perfect past tense, my ear must judge how often to use “had” in a sentence before switching to an active past tense.
Example #1: "When Tom was young, he had overheard unsettling talk of the war. His father had served, but he had never admitted or denied killing another."
Granted, this is exaggerated, but technically there's nothing wrong with this sentence. All the events mentioned took place in the past. It is, however, cumbersome and all the "hads" make it redundant.
Revised Example #1: "When Tom was young, he overheard unsettling talk of the war. His father had served, but he never admitted or denied killing another."
So here's the unspoken “had” rule as I understand it:
1. If the sentence makes it clear that the event happened in the past without using the word “had,” remove it.
2. Leave “had” in if its removal changes the meaning of the sentence.
Example #2: She reached for the small clay bowl from the kitchen table containing a mix of local herbs and other untold ingredients she had crushed into a near-powder consistency.
In this sentence, “she had” indicates an action taken by the character.
Edited Example #2: She reached for the small clay bowl from the kitchen table containing a mix of local herbs and other untold ingredients crushed into a near-powder consistency.
To remove “she had” from the sentences makes it clear the herbs were crushed, but it doesn’t show who crushed them. Since the character isn’t involved in the action, the reader would have to assume the herbs and other untold ingredients were 1) previously crusted by someone, or 2) purchased in the crushed form.
Both examples #2s are technically correct. However, this sentence is from my work in progress and the woman is a healer and engages in voodoo. For the sake of the scene, it's critical for the reader to understand that she is the one who made the concoction. In this case, #1 is the better choice.
Still confused? Here are a few good grammar links:
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/grammar/tenses.html
http://www.englishpage.com/verbpage/pastperfect.html
“The” in front of a noun: Eliminate “the” when it precedes a noun that could stand alone. Example: “The beams of portable spotlights shone like beacons on the beach below.” Can be changed to: “Beams of portable spotlights shone like beacons on the beach below.”
Tags & Beats
Tags: Stick to “said” and always place the tag after the noun or pronoun.
To use anything other than “said” distracts the reader (“said” is invisible). Words such as growled, barked, scoffed tell the reader how the character spoke rather than show it through the dialogue and action.
Example #1: “What difference does it make that she’s gone?” John growled.
Example #2: “What difference does it make that she’s gone?” John said as he slammed the door.
Beats: Beats are a great alternative to tags. They show action and emotion. Here’s the same sentence using a beat instead of a tag.
Example: “What difference does it make that she’s gone?” John yanked open her closet door, grabbed her clothes, and threw them out the window.
The “it” word. If not used correctly, “it” can lose the reader’s focus. Be certain “it” refers back to a noun just previously mentioned. If another noun is used between “it” and the noun it refers to, you'll lose your reader.
Example: “The dog chased after a ball into the street. It was hit by a car.” What was hit? The dog or the ball?
A few words to avoid in narration: That, just, however, therefore, thus, thusly, very, really, suddenly, obviously (if it is obvious, don’t tell--show it).
Anything goes in dialogue: A character can say anything he or she wants including all the words we avoid in the narrative and clichés as long as the author establishes those words in the character’s speech as part of his characterization. The same goes for speech patterns and odd words.
Don’t state the obvious: Near-miss and mid-air collision. If it’s a “near-miss” it didn’t happen. And where else would airplanes in flight collide? Another thing that falls under this category is to not summarize the action. If the scene is written properly and effectively shows the action, don’t summarize what just happened in a subsequent narrative. Doing so talks down to the reader.
Repetition of words or phrases: Look for repeated words within the same sentence, paragraph or in close proximity to one another on a page. Use your thesaurus to find unique words that will add spark to your writing.
Ellipsis: Shows a pause. Three periods with a space after the word it follows and the word it precedes to show a pause or hesitation.
“I can’t remember what … I’ll have to think about it.”
Three periods with a space after the word it follows to show a pause or hesitation at the end of a sentence.
“I can’t remember what …”
Em Dashes: Shows an interruption or show emphasis. Construct the em dash by striking the hyphen key twice with no space between the hyphens and no space before or after the words the em dash separates.
To show interrupted speech:
“You can’t pin the murder on me. You have no—”
“I have your fingerprints.”
For emphasis: “You must attend the meeting on time—no exceptions.”
Advice from Browne & King’s, “Self-Editing for Fiction Writers.”
Show don't tell: How to catch yourself telling. (Page 16)
“...telling your readers about your characters’ emotions is not the best way to get your readers involved. Far better to show why your characters feel the way they do. Instead of saying, "Amanda took one look at the hotel room and recoiled in disgust." describe the room in such a way that the readers feel that disgust for themselves."
The “as” and “ing” construction:
Browne & King (Page 193): "One easy way to make your writing seem more sophisticated is to avoid two stylistic constructions that are common to hack writers, namely:
'Pulling off her gloves, she turned to face him.'
and
'As she pulled off her gloves, she turned to face him.’
Both the “as” construction and the “-ing” construction as used above are grammatically correct and express the action clearly and unambiguously. But notice that both of these constructions take a bit of action ("She pulled off her gloves") and tuck it away into a dependent clause (Pulling off her gloves...") tends to place some of your action at one removed from your reader, to make the actions seem incidental, unimportant. If you use these constructions often, you weaken your writing.
Another reason to avoid the “as” and “-ing” construction is that they can give rise to physical impossibilities." (i.e.: "Disappearing into my tent, I changed into fresh jeans." The ing construction forced simultaneity on two actions that can't be simultaneous."
Words ending in “ly” Replace “ly” verb with action verbs. Instead of: “He angrily punched the pillow.” which tells the reader how he punched it (but in my opinion not to what degree of anger), try: “He slammed a fist into the pillow.”
"Self-Editing..." (Page 196)
"Chances are, as you bang out your first draft, you use the first verbs that come to mind--verbs that are commonplace and comfortable, verbs you don't have to dig too deep to find. Set, for instance, as in:
"She set the cup and saucer on the kitchen table."
Then, since set doesn't really convey what you want, you find the extra nuance you need in an adjective, tack on an -ly to make an adverb, and hook it to the verb. ...when you use a weak verb and an adverb to do the work of one strong verb, you dilute your writing and rob it of its potential power."
***
I’m sure I’ll keep adding to this list, but it’s a start.
Marta ;)
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Sarah Freel on -
Wow. Thanks. This has actually been very, very helpful. I really appreciate you taking your time on this. Again, thanks.
Sarah
-
Permalink Reply by Jodie Renner on -
Excellent list, Marta! As a copyeditor for fiction manuscripts, I find that book Self-Editing for Fiction Writers very helpful, too. Another one I really like is Manuscript Makeover, Revision Techniques No Fiction Writer Can Afford to Ignore, by Elizabeth Lyon.
I only have one point to add to your list: "had" is important to use for the first few sentences of backstory, to indicate that what you're talking about now took place at an earlier time than what you were just talking about. For example, "In the past, she had always been afraid of snakes, but then she learned to overcome this fear." I just made this example up off the top of my head, but you'll find better examples in novels where the author is taking us back in time to supply some background information. After a few sentences using "had" in front of the verbs, they usually switch to regular past tense so it flows better.
Thanks again for that great list, Marta - I'm going to pass that on to some of my author clients.
Jodie Renner, Polished Proofreading Plus
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Come on Over
I'm over at a few other blogs today. If you get a chance, come on over to see the Christmas Decorations at http://acmeauthorslink.blogspot.com/At http://bloodredpencil.blogspot.com/ the topic is Spoiled Milk. Ever sit down to read a good book and been disappointed?
If you haven't yet, check out the post below about the Paper War.
Thanks,
Morgan Mandel
Paper War
I've been waging a war on paper the last few days. So far, paper is winning. The more I clean up, the more of it I find. The problem is, for much of it, I feel an obligation to do a thorough examination and decide whether or not it's worth keeping.The mailperson is my enemy. He, sometimes she, keeps leaving more paper in my mail box. I'm not talking about my Christmas cards, which I cherish, but all the other stuff dropped off for me to sort out. At times it's torture to come home and see the new pile the DH has set on the kitchen table.
I've discovered tons of magazines over a year old. They were trying to hide in a magazine holder on the side of the couch, but not doing a good job of it, since they were spilling over. Of course, I decided to check the headings on the covers to see if some of the information inside might prove valuable. Wouldn't you know it, I was right. Many articles seemed to good to give up.
I've already mentioned here before about how I also have a compulsion to print out emails that seem important to me. The result is I have lots of important pieces of paper. When there's an abundance, which is the most important? And, where's the one I really need? It is a quandary.
What about you? Is paper your enemy? Are you also waging a war against it? Who is winning?
Library Displays - See Make Mine Mystery Monday
Have you tried a library display? If you want to see mine, come on over to Make Mine Mystery on Monday.Thanks,
Morgan
Christmas Card Blues Is Up at Un:Bound Today
Hi Gang,I've written a short Christmas story which is being featured at Un:Bound today.
You may be able to relate to some of it.
I'd appreciate your going over to look and leave a comment.
Thanks,
Morgan
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