The Me Nobody Knows

[Dee Savoy]

Since I never seem to get tagged for those Tell eight things about yourself you'd kill if somebody else told on you things that float around the blogosphere, I thought I'd tell on myself. Here are eight things I really hate about the way some folks use the English (and sometimes other) language.

1. Less is qualitative; more is quantitative. You cannot have less calories, but you have fewer. Fewer do you hear me. Every time I hear someone say less when they should say fewer it causes me to scream out FEWER, FEWER. Needless to say, there are now quite a few people in New York convinced I suffer from Tourette's.

2. Whether they're made of brash, flesh, are hairy or tough as nails they are cojones, accent on the second syllable. They are not CO-jo-nes, ca-HU-nas or ca-ha-nas. If you don't know how to pronounce it, don't say it. That goes for every word. Or better yet, stick to English. There's not a thing wrong with calling them testicles, the name God gave them.

3. Aspirin is both singular and plural. You do not swallow aspirins. The same goes for fish, sheep, and fowl. There are no popcorns. Get used to it.

4. For New Yorkers only: No one really comes from Da Bronx, but plenty of people hail from Lawn Gisland

I know I promised you eight things, but the brain is on half-speed today. I'll add some more as they come to me. I know--I'll go watch some television.